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Dating: Locating Mr./Ms. Right? (Part 2)

As bad as I hate to say it, Mr. Right is a tougher person to locate as time passes.

I’ve been asked on many occasions why Christian men are not interested in nice Christian ladies. While dowdy dress may be part of the answer, another part of the answer may be that many Christian men are lost in the woods regarding their masculinity and what to do with a nice Christian woman. Certainly this is not true of all men, but over the last forty years or so western society has so abused and confused men regarding true masculinity that men in all sectors of society—including Christian life—are laboring to define true manhood.

In addition, by the time guys get a bit older—and in the world of singles, 35+ feels "older"—it seems as though singles fall into two, broad categories: a) it is obvious why they are not married, or b) they have been married and are now divorced, wounded, and involved in a cover up scheme to protect their hearts.

While divorce is painful all the way around, it is a tremendous blow to the male ego and undermines his confidence level dramatically. For a man to fail at marriage, for whatever litany of reasons, feels as though he has failed as a man. Divorce leaves men feeling as though they are flawed at the genetic level.

Furthermore, for a man to recover from divorce is a major undertaking as his gifts lie elsewhere besides doing internal work. In other words, while divorce is incredibly disorienting to both men and women, often times it is more so over the long haul for a man than it is for a woman. The danger is that the necessary work resulting from the divorce is not always diligently attended to by men. But then, the same can be said for women as well. This is simply a general observation, not an absolute truth.

However, God does not ever waste the degree of pain divorce inflicts. Just because a man has been divorced, don’t write him off too quickly. Many men do pay attention and learn a great deal. As a result, after a divorce many men turn out to be better men than they were prior to the ravages of a divorce.

Nevertheless, your question remains: Why aren’t men more interested in Christian women? Underlying this is the real question: How can I get Christian men to pay attention to me, i.e. a fine, Christian woman?

Preston Gillham

About the Author

As a co-founder, Preston Gillham led Lifetime for 30 years. Preston is a writer, speaker, and leadership guide. He has authored numerous articles and several books including No Mercy and Battle for the Round Tower. He blogs on “Life and Leadership”. More about Preston, his writings, speaking, and his consulting practice can be located at PrestonGillham.com.