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How do I deal with watching my child suffer?

You are discovering a new depth of love through suffering, no doubt. I used to think that Jesus’ role was much more difficult to endure than the Father’s. He was in the relative “safety” of heaven as He watched His Son suffer. But, having to stand helplessly by and watch my own sons suffer has changed all that thinking. As you have discovered through your child’s suffering, you would change places with them in a moment, for a lifetime! So would the Father. But He could not. You cannot. You must just wait…watch…and suffer, too. But your suffering is different from your child’s, perhaps even deeper. I guess there is no other way to mature into this than through the pathway you, and we, have traveled. Though the pathway is not pleasant and the scenery sometimes seems more than we can bear, thank God by His grace we have grown better instead of bitter as we’ve traveled it.