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How should I deal with a friend who has a narcissistic personality?

To begin, narcissistic personality disorder is one that is very difficult to treat. A trained professional in this area should give treatment. However, in working with individuals, I personally feel it is very important not to label people. Behavior may reflect a certain pattern, nevertheless, if a person belongs to Christ, he or she has an identity with Christ alone. For a Christian, behavior does not determine their true identity. Colossians 3:5-10 talks about the difference in what we were before Christ and when we are in Christ.

Once a label has been applied to an individual, we may begin to treat them according to a formula or to expect certain behavior from them. Sometimes it is easy to excuse behavior if we attach a medical disorder. The Bible tells us that behavior is a choice, and persons should be accountable for actions.

The most important way for you to be an example for to your friend is to allow Christ to be your life. Allow Him to fulfill your own dreams and expectations. In Ephesians 3, Paul’s prayer was that they would be filled with the knowledge of God and be filled with His {agape} love.

Agape love can be difficult to understand, because it is truly unconditional and selfless. It is given for the purpose of bringing us to know God, because He is love. This may mean that we love people enough to allow them to be responsible for their decisions and for their behavior. God loves us enough to allow us to make decisions, to follow Him or not, to be in relationship with him or not. He sets the example for us. If someone desires to be in relationship with us, there are certain boundaries that exist in order for the relationship to thrive, this is also true of relating to our Father.

Chapter eight of The Confident Woman talks about how to let go and give burdens to the Lord. I would recommend both of you reading this book.

Step 1. Rain on how you feel about any of the above answers.

Step 2. If you answer “yes” to all of the above, then say this: “God, I believe. If I die right this minute and go to hell, I’ll go to hell believing. I don’t know how to believe any more than I believe. I believe. That settles it!“

Step 3. Get off your knees and begin to thank Him for saving you. Thank Him for making it so simple. Thank Him for never giving in to your demands for a feeling because when the feeling faded your faith would have faded. Thank Him that your salvation is based upon His promise, His integrity, His love and commitment to you.

Step 4. Begin to tell people that you are finally saved. (Rain on how you FEEL!) Tell them of your faith in Jesus and what He has accomplished for you.

God bless you in your new walk of faith as a secure child of the Father.