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My husband has a problem with pornography. How should I respond?

There are many factors that need to be considered in determining a loving and forgiving response to your husband.

First, responsibility for your husbands behavior belongs to him. By this I do not mean to place blame, or to shame him. Understanding that admittedly, this behavior is a problem area in your husbands’ life, and may require outside help. If he would like the name of someone who can help, we can recommend a counselor in your area.

With addictive behaviors, families may want to blame themselves, or feel guilt and shame. Second, you may need to walk through a process of understanding your own emotions and responses and allowing the Lord to heal.

Forgiveness is sometimes misunderstood by Christians. Once forgiveness is extended to someone we love, it does not mean that the memory is erased. It also does not clear the patterns of behavior. Responsibility in forgiveness means trusting Christ to forgive your husband through you for the offense against you. Forgiveness may be a process that requires many steps, and there may be a part of the healing process that needs to come before.

The Bible tells us that we should be truthful with each other, and that it should be spoken in Love (Eph. 4:15). I do not know the situation with you and your husband, but I can recommend someone in your area who can help you work through this situation.

This is definitely a time to understand how much our Father loves you and how He wants you to depend upon him to meet your every need. He values you and wants you to know that you are very special.