Ephesians 5:25 says, 'Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.' The Greek word for love in this passage agape, meaning I will do the most constructive, redemptive thing I can think of for you. The word carries the connotation of performance, not simply warm feelings. When we speak of agape, we must think of performing some act regardless of how we feel-and only Christ through you can consistently accomplish this.

When we began doing seminars years ago, I would ask women to finish this statement: 'I wish my husband would love me by...' No matter where we went, the answers were invariably the same. We no longer ask women that question. We know what they are going to say. Over the years we've saved all of the replies and categorized them according to the number of times each particular response was mentioned. We want to share the 'top twenty' with you.

1. By Listening to Me
2. By Taking My 'Petty Problems' Seriously
3. By Communicating More Openly with Me
4. By Noticing Me More-Not Just When He Wants Sex
5. By Saying 'Thank You' for the Things I Do
6. By Being Interested in My Life...at Least Acting Like You're Interested
7. By Showing Affection When Other People Are Around
8. By Sharing His Goals and Values with Me; Talking His Business Over with Me
9. By Remembering Me with Little Gifts or Just Planning an Evening Out Every So Often
10. By Taking Me Out Without the Kids More-Maybe Just for a Ride
11. By Including Me in the Things He Does
12. By Trying to Understand Me
13. By Getting Involved with Things I Enjoy Doing
14. By Just Holding Me in His Arms and Talking to Me
15. By Being Tender & Using Kind, Tender Words
16. By Helping in the Discipline of the Children
17. By Saying Little Words of Caring, Compliments, and Appreciation
18. By Accepting Me Just As I Am
19. By Spending More Time with the Family
20. By Making Me Feel Like a Woman