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In and out of marriage. How can I stop the cycle?

You mentioned you had been married and divorced several times. Do you remember the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman (John 4:4-30, 39-42)? This dear lady had also been married five times and now she was living with another man out of wedlock. As you read the story, you find that Jesus never condemned her, nor did He tell her she needed to straighten out her life, rather He spoke to her true needs. This was a woman who had spent her entire life trying to get her need to be loved and her need to love another through human relationships. As the Country & Western song says, she was “looking for love in all the wrong places.”

My suspicion is that you can relate to this lady. Take a look at the advice that Jesus gave her: “God is spirit, and His worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.” Her problem was not her behavior, it was her belief system. Her belief system said that for love to be real it needed to be tangible, that is, touchable. The truth is that God is spirit (not tangible) and that God is love. What this means is that to experience true love we must experience God. The result of that experience will be to bring about another intangible which is peace.

Did you know that the root word for worship is “kiss?” This is the essence of what our relationship with God is all about. It is about spiritual intimacy. When we learn to “kiss” God and receive His “kiss” in return we experience true love. How do you do that? Remember we must “kiss” in truth. To do this you need to acknowledge to God that you know that He is the true source of all the love you need in your life and then trust Him to make this real in your experiences. Talk to Him regularly about your thoughts and feelings. Read the letters the Apostle Paul wrote to the Ephesians, Philippians and Colossians and come to terms with how much God has devoted Himself to making sure you know that He really cares about you personally. Sometimes He will demonstrate this through the people in your life, but you must never forget that it is God who is the source of that love. What you are doing in reality is learning to receive the love that has always been yours. When you learn to rely upon God’s love toward you, relationships with others become much easier.