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I’ve Been Thinking (Part 1)

I’ve been thinking…now therein lies the problem. When I get in one of these kinds of modes, it can be dangerous. My mind plays a lot of tricks on me and soon I can find myself in a downward spiral toward futility and frustration. Yes, a mind is a terrible thing to waste, but a mind can help to waste a terrible amount of energy as well.

So what have I been thinking about? It centers mostly on the struggle we all have with believing we can and should control our lives. It’s in our faces all the time, both in the world and the church. Inspirational speakers tell us we can make life work, we can stop the pain, and we can find a way to have exactly what we want. It doesn’t matter if it’s an infomercial selling the latest acne cream or a preacher selling “do this and God will do that” promises; it’s all the same lie — we are in control. How deep the rabbit hole goes!

At the same time I’m thinking that there is some reality to the fact that I play a part in this. I’m not a passive bystander who just has life happen to her — I participate. There are consequences to my actions and those of others. Still, I’m not able to choose my way out of pain, struggle, or the irritating moments of my day when I just want to shoot whatever or whoever is bugging me. So, the good philosopher would say, “Well Laurie, there’s a balance.” Frankly, that makes me want to laugh. Why? Because finding the balance then becomes my life’s goal, and once again, I’m in control. See, I told you the hole goes deep.

Adam & Eve bought the lie that they could be like God. I think a better way of saying this is that they believed they could be God. What does “being God” look like? It means being able to control every detail of your life. Only God has that power, so if I’m constantly working to be in control, I’m trying to be God. And believe me, I try. And if you’re honest, so do you.

So this leads us to an obvious next question: Why are we so bent on trying to control? My first and unequaled response is, because we’re afraid. I just got off the phone with a good friend who’s going through financial difficulties. She’s questioning God’s way of providing for her at the moment. She’s also feeling overwhelmed and inadequate to change one thing about her circumstances. She’s afraid. She’s afraid she’ll be a burden to people for the rest of her life. She’s afraid God will require her to live in a way she doesn’t desire. She’s afraid God won’t be faithful, even though she knows that contradicts everything on which she’s staked her life. She is out of control but she’s fighting to gain what she believes she should have. And she’s losing the battle.

And that’s a good thing.

Laurie Troublefield

About the Author

Laurie is a part of a wonderful ministry community in Woodstock, GA called, Grace Connections, Inc. where she serves as the Director. She is passionate for the church to know and live in the freedom of the lavished love of Jesus and the grace found in true community. She stays busy teaching conferences, retreats and Bible Studies both here in US and around the world.