Home Menu

My husband is too controlling! Was our marriage a mistake?

I believe I need to ask some rather blunt questions. I believe that the greatest motivation for change in a person’s life is their honesty in answering tough questions. Please take these questions before our Father and ask Him to lead you to an understanding of what is real as you ponder these questions?

(1) Is there anyone in your past that you need to forgive for exercising excessive control over you? It does not matter if they admit any fault or seek forgiveness, you need to forgive them for your sake. We simply cannot truly receive or express unconditional love until we forgive those who have offended us (See Isaiah 43:25). To retain this burden hurts only you. If you need some help in how to do this call us and ask for our study sheet on Forgiveness.

(2) is it possible that your husband has been encouraged to act in a controlling manner because you had expectations that he would and have your actions further encouraged him along this direction?

(3) have you forgiven him for not being the husband you had hoped for?

(4) have you sought to be a biblical wife in meeting your husbands God-given needs? Men need physical intimacy; they need emotional encouragement and praise; they need to know that they are respected and held in high esteem by their wife. These are not negotiable items. The Lord makes it clear in Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 7 that a wife is to provide these responses to her husband without regard to his response to her. Likewise the husband is to seek to meet his wife’s needs without regard to her response. Unconditional love is a one way street with hopes of a return on investment. It is in no way manipulative. This is hard and can only be accomplished as you trust Christ to protect you and love through you.

(5) do you believe God is in control of His universe? This is bottom line. If God is in control then your marriage is no accident. It serves a divine purpose through which Jesus Christ can be glorified. Remember, Jesus Christ did not die to save your marriage. He died to save you and to save your husband. If you come to terms with the depth and breadth of His salvation through the experiences of your marriage (whether the marriage succeeds or fails) Christ will be glorified and you will experience Life as a shining beacon in a dark world.

To the extent that the Holy Spirit reveals any of these things to be true, you need to repent before the Lord, perhaps repent before your husband, announce your intentions to trust Christ to transform your thinking and your actions and then begin to act on your new understanding and Holy Spirit powered strength.

In Galatians 5:1, Paul states that “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” Old beliefs and damaged emotions are the tools Satan uses to keep you bond up in slavery. Freedom will only be experienced as Paul stated in Romans 12:1 and 2, “I urge you, by the empowering mercy of God, to present your body as a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not continue thinking as the world does [with self pity or vengeance] but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may demonstrate [to everyone] what the will of God is.” Please allow yourself to be loved by God. When you have enjoyed the peace of His acceptance, it will be far easier to demonstrate acceptance toward others.

May you experience God’s richest blessings as you trust Him to make your path straight (Proverbs 3:5-8).

Helpful Reading:
The Transformation of the Inner Man by John and Paula Sandford